People look for friendship and potential marriage partners when it comes to online dating. However, people’s perceptions of what constitutes a good relationship have changed over time.
Scenario on a 48 year old woman looking for love online: Her profile
Mary is a 48-year-old single woman with a 9-year-old daughter. She has been single for 7 years and has decided she wants to have a relationship with a man —mainly for companionship. She is looking for someone who is reasonably attractive and would have a lifestyle that is consistent with hers, which is someone from a small rural community, attends church, does not drink or party excessively, has wholesome values, and is committed to family. Mary has supported herself most of her adult life and is financially independent.
She wants to be able to go out to dinner, or a movie, and have someone to spend time with. She is open to a relationship becoming permanent, but that is not her goal. She has been married twice before and does not want the legal entanglements of marriage. Currently, her primary goal in life is to raise her daughter in a healthy environment.
She uses a free online dating service. Pictures and personal descriptions of other participants are available. The service allows her to connect with potential dates with a secure e-mail. Multiple men contact her —many with offers for one-night stands, which is not what she is looking for and she feels disappointed. She believes the men who have gotten in touch with her don’t want to make an effort to get to know her outside of the sex.
Why is Mary having such a hard time with online dating? Is she disclosing too much too soon.
The things that people look for in a mate have changed. At one time love and mutral attraction were significant traits for both men and women. But according to recent studies, women are now more prone to desire a partner who has a high social standing or the capacity to make a lot of money. While Men are more focused on appearance, how the woman looks. The ability to attract dates online is now based on how attractive a person looked in photos, with the most attractive people being chosen the most frequently (Marriage and Family)
The most prevalent kind of relationship we get into online is called Fatuous love:
The excitement and passion we experience when meeting people online sometimes gradually fades into less attachment. When a couple is committed on the basis of passion but no time was spent developing intimacy “bonding” this is called Fatuous love. For example, two people fall in love and, after seeing each other only on weekends for two months, get into a committed relationship, move in together or even get married.
What binds love:
One of the most important dimensions of love is intimacy, involves spending time together, “bonding” sharing feelings and providing emotional support. It usually entails high levels of self-disclosure, the sharing of personal information not ordinarily revealed because of the risk involved. (Marriage and Family)
Intimacy gradually increases as closeness grows and deepens as relationship matures. Few couples are likely to share everything with each other. People need some private space, a bit of their world that is closed to everyone else. But in a mature intimate relationship, most areas are open for discussion and sharing. By opening up, by earning each other’s trust and becoming vulnerable to each other, people can build a strong emotional bond of intimacy(Marriage and Family)
For this reason, it is advised to take one’s time searching for love online and waiting until the phase of strong emotional feelings gives way to genuine attachment before disclosing personal information.
Maybe Mary’s problems with online dating stem from disclosure, too much personal information too soon.
The Sacred Shift | Intuitive Guidance With Suzette Lindo 