When most people hear the phrase love triangle, they think drama, like one person caught between two lovers. But in psychology, the idea of a love triangle means something totally different. Psychologist Robert Sternberg came up with a theory that love has three key ingredients:
Commitment – the decision to stick with someone Intimacy – the emotional closeness and trust you build Passion – the spark, the chemistry, the physical attraction.
Depending on how these three show up (or don’t), every relationship takes on a different flavor.
How Love Usually Starts
Friends first: Some relationships begin with closeness and trust, then slowly grow into love. Instant chemistry: Others start with pure attraction, with passion leading the way. Commitment first: And sometimes (like in arranged marriages), two people start with commitment, and passion and intimacy come later.
No two love stories look exactly the same, but they all develop out of some mix of these three ingredients.
Let’s Break Down the Big Three
Commitment
Think of commitment as the decision to be with someone. It shows up when you move from dating to engagement, when you stay faithful, or when you choose to ride out the hard seasons together. Commitment usually builds slowly, but if the relationship is good, it grows stronger over time.
Intimacy
Intimacy is that deep emotional bond—sharing secrets, trusting each other, being vulnerable. The more you open up, the closer you feel. Of course, everyone still needs a little private space, but in a healthy relationship, most things are on the table. Funny enough, showing your weaknesses can actually make the relationship stronger, because your partner gets to support you.
Passion
Passion is the fire. It’s the physical attraction, the flirting, the affection, the chemistry that makes you want to be close. It usually shows up fast and strong, but here’s the catch: passion can also fade quickly. When it does, it sometimes feels like withdrawal, irritability, sadness, or even that “something’s missing” feeling.
The Eight Types of Love
When you combine the three ingredients in different ways, you get eight different types of love:
Non-love – none of the three are there. Liking – intimacy only (like a close friendship). Infatuation – passion only (think crushes or lust at first sight). Empty love – commitment only (sometimes how arranged marriages begin, or what’s left in a broken one). Romantic love – intimacy + passion, but no commitment yet. Fatuous love – passion + commitment without intimacy (those whirlwind “we just met and now we’re married” situations). Companionate love – intimacy + commitment, but the passion has faded (common in long-term marriages). Consummate love – the jackpot: intimacy + passion + commitment, all in balance.
Love Isn’t Static
The truth is, relationships don’t stay in just one category. They shift over time. Maybe you start as friends (liking), later develop attraction (romantic love), then move in together and build all three (consummate love). But if trust is broken, intimacy and passion may vanish, leaving just empty love or even non-love.
Final Thoughts
Love is a mix of feelings, decisions, and desires, and depending on which ingredients are present, it can feel very different. The key is knowing where your relationship stands today and what kind of love you actually want to grow into.
The Sacred Shift | Intuitive Guidance With Suzette Lindo 